TWO-WEEK WAIT My partner and I have only been told that we weren’t pregnant eight times.  So, I can only speak about those particular instances.  See we’ve actually been through 10 cycles but only used our donor sperm after the 4th cycle.   But because we’ve only used our sample 8 times doesn’t minimize the feelings we have of being a failure.  Well not us actually being failures, but of the actual "process" failing. The first three cycles were with Clomid, which did absolutely nothing in helping her follicles to grow to the proper size for insemination.  The remaining cycles have been with with Femara, which actually grew the follicles and thickened the lining, so we were able to use our sample on all our cycles thus far. I can’t imagine what a couple is feeling, who has gone through 18 or 24 cycles and has not gotten pregnant once.  But that could very well be us as we are in this for the long haul and really want to have a baby. The two-week wait or 2WW is about the most agonizing thing I’ve gone through.  This is the waiting period between insemination and the day you actually have your pregnancy test.  You begin with high hopes.  The day the insemination took place I was smiling and so happy because I thought “Here we go on starting the process to have our baby”.  But by the end of the 2WW, I was stressed and agonizing over every little sign. I found myself asking, “Is she nauseous?”  Does that mean she’s pregnant?  “She’s sleeping a lot.”  Does that mean she’s pregnant? No, not really because she does that anyway.  “She’s eating a lot.”  Does that mean she’s pregnant?  No, not really because she does that a lot anyway too.  You begin to look for signs of hope in the smallest thing. Then, the spotting begins.  Now I’ve since learned that spotting could mean absolutely nothing.  There is such a thing as “Implantation Bleeding”.  It’s when a woman actually spots around the 6-10th day after insemination.  The egg has actually implanted itself into the uterus.  The spotting is usually bright red or brownish in color.  In all actuality it resembles what happens to most women a day or two before their actual period begins.   So again, I found myself asking, “Is this just Implantation Bleeding?”  Or is it actually her period starting in which case that would mean she is not pregnant and we have to start this process over again. The day you have your pregnancy test, you usually go into the doctor’s office that morning and they tell you they’ll call you between 2-4pm with the results.  That was one of the longest days of my life.  I tried to find something to occupy my mind like going to the gym and working it out, but I still found myself thinking about the freaking test every minute of every hour. And then the call finally comes.  Negative!  It’s disheartening.  It’s a big let down.  After you get over the initial shock that you and your partner are not having a baby yet, then you come to grips with the fact that you must go through this process again.  “Is it worth it?” And the answer, to me and my partner is a resounding, YES! And to all of you out there who are going through process, I finally feel your pain.  I am empathetic.  And I say to you, hang in there.  And think about the fact that when your son or daughter becomes a teenager, you can show them the bill and say to them, “This is how much we wanted you.” Now go to your room.

(We actually got pregnant on our 9th cycle which resulted in a spontaneous miscarriage at 7 weeks and we are currently pregnant from our 10th cycle.  So as you can see it's a long process sometimes that requires patience and understanding.)


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